Starting Again

I'm going to do it, I am completely done with eating and with being big and with feeling terrible. I am going to be skinny, skinny and perfect. I don't want to see fat on my hips and stomach and arms and legs. It's absolutely hideous, I'm getting rid of it, I'm going to become a whole new person, a beautiful person. I've got all the tips and tricks I need, the only other thing I need are diet pills and some aderall. I also need to get my will-power back. I was so good last year. This year I suck. I need to start reading my thin book again, I need to add new pictures to that.
Why do I have to be so fat. Why can't I be the amazing 100 pounds? That's not too skinny for my height that's like a BMI of 18. It needs to be that, no more of this 26 crap, I'm over it. I hate feeling so self-conscience and so bad about myself. It's not as if I'm obesse or anything. I'm a little bit over weight, but in Colorado every girl is tiny. like 90% of my school is skinny. I need to be in that 90%! I really do think my weight is a big part of my unhappiness. If I could just be thin, I could be happy.
I really don't mind fasting and I don't mind being vegan. I love fruits and vegetables and I like the feeling of hunger pains. It's just that it's really embarassing how my stomach is always growling in class. As if it's not bad enough that I'm fat, I have to draw attention to that fact by seeming like I'm constantly hungry. FATTY!!! No wonder Max was embarassed of me, guys want to show off their girlfriends, and I'm just not the kind of girl you show off to people. I want to be that. I want my hip bones showing and my legs always seperated. No more fatty-ness for me. no no