Alice takes her dad out for a Sunday meal
He never really knows exactly how she'll feel
They sit around drinking coffee from their cups
He doesn't know what she wants to hear

Alice is finally free
Alice is finally here

Alice went to bed when the milkman came to call
He said hello and she smiled quietly
Not so much later she rose from her bed
This activity seemed too trivial

Alice is finally free
Alice is finally rested

Starting Again

I'm going to do it, I am completely done with eating and with being big and with feeling terrible. I am going to be skinny, skinny and perfect. I don't want to see fat on my hips and stomach and arms and legs. It's absolutely hideous, I'm getting rid of it, I'm going to become a whole new person, a beautiful person. I've got all the tips and tricks I need, the only other thing I need are diet pills and some aderall. I also need to get my will-power back. I was so good last year. This year I suck. I need to start reading my thin book again, I need to add new pictures to that.
Why do I have to be so fat. Why can't I be the amazing 100 pounds? That's not too skinny for my height that's like a BMI of 18. It needs to be that, no more of this 26 crap, I'm over it. I hate feeling so self-conscience and so bad about myself. It's not as if I'm obesse or anything. I'm a little bit over weight, but in Colorado every girl is tiny. like 90% of my school is skinny. I need to be in that 90%! I really do think my weight is a big part of my unhappiness. If I could just be thin, I could be happy.
I really don't mind fasting and I don't mind being vegan. I love fruits and vegetables and I like the feeling of hunger pains. It's just that it's really embarassing how my stomach is always growling in class. As if it's not bad enough that I'm fat, I have to draw attention to that fact by seeming like I'm constantly hungry. FATTY!!! No wonder Max was embarassed of me, guys want to show off their girlfriends, and I'm just not the kind of girl you show off to people. I want to be that. I want my hip bones showing and my legs always seperated. No more fatty-ness for me. no no

'Ello.

Been a while since I last posted, or so it seems from my last posting. Last post was about Max, and how I was interested in what would happen correct? Well, things did happen, very good things. One night we were sitting around watching a movie, and we just started kissing. The next day we went to a few coffee shops and talked. A few days later, he left for Alaska. When he came back we went out to dinner and watched another movie. And after another week we were official, then school started.
Apperantly both him and I are completely different people inside and outside of school. After only a week and a half he decided we need to just be friends. For the next week we didn't talk. Once we did start talking, he invited me to go to coffee, which i think i'm going to on Sunday. He also showed up at my work, that was yesterday. However, if we are at school and there are other people around, he has to act completely aloof, if only to boost his own ego. I'm sure it shows, but I am pissed at him. Why? Because he's confusing me, that's why. It seems as if he has not made up his mind as of yet, and I'm very interested to hear what he has to say on Sunday. It better be something very good and very worth my time.

He is the first boy who I ever cared that I wasn't dating. I was convinced that things were going really well. I'm apparently terrible at reading situations, because he was thinking of breaking up essentially the entire time we were dating. Go figure, once again, I'm not the right girl. Will I ever be?

He also made me feel used, again. The last date we went on, he told me he would lose respect for someone who had no boundaries. Then 20 minutes later, he tried to persue things farther than I saw fit, and I told him so. Seeing as we broke up three days later, I'm thinking he may have been using me for some action. I'm tired of people thinking I am like that. I really am not.

I just want to know what's going on. I just want to not be hurt about this anymore.

this is only a tribute

Got woken up around 11:30 this morning by a phone call from Max. It was way to early to be awake. He invited me to come and hang out with him and Brett and Justin. So I got up and got ready and they came and picked me up.
We drove around for a bit, and then decided to go to Max's house. There we watched his dog get overly excited and piss on everything. It was way more entertaining than it sounds. We then went downstairs and drank some chocolate milk while watching King Kong. Good movie, but way to over dramatic. Max went and took a shower and Justin kept asking me "guess how naked Max is right now?" it turned into quite a funny gay joke. Andrew came over for a bit, but he was extremely quiet. I think he may have only said two sentences the entire time.
We got hungry, so Andrew had to leave (Max can only fit four people in his car). We couldn't decide if we should go to Fazoli's since Justin's never been, or Qdoba since I've never been. Fazoli's was closer, and we stopped there. I thought they were going to get food, so I went to the bathroom, but when I got out they were gone. They were parked in front of the door, so I just went out to meet them, but Max started driving and then stopping. Eventually, Justin got out so I could get in, but Max kept driving thn stopping suddenly. Because of this, Justin refused to close the door, so Max just drove really fast and it shut itself.
We then drove to Qdoba where I had to borrow some money from Justin. There were some people they knew, Catie and Holly I think, so we sat down with them. They talked about student council and getting in car accidents and then left. I was having touble eating the burrito, so I grabbed a fork, but Max threw it away. Eventully, it ended up with him holding the damned thing for me, while I just ate. This seems to be common for him to do.
We went back to Brett's afterwards, and he got more vicadin. Then Max and Brett played a video game for a while and Ryan showed up. Max had to leave, and so did I. So he drove home, and I walked down and caught the bus. It was raining, which was nice, I was just worried that my Ipod would break. I really can't afford to buy another.
On the way home, Max called asking if I could do something tonight. I had to go home first, but I said I'd call him. When I got home, I had to vaccum the entire house. It's not bad, except that the vaccum is somewhat broken and has to be emptied every five minutes and the normal extension thing broke so we only have a small little head on it. It took me an hour and a half. and I didn't even have to do the main floor.
When I finished, Max came and got me and we drove over to Justin's house. We didn't really do much, we were all so tired. so Justin found videos on youtube and Max and I sat around half watching them. We had to leave after an hour, so we got back in Max's car and he drove me home. We had a really nice talk in his car, and I got to know him a bit better, which was nice.
I'm interested to see what is going to happen with him.

I seem to be really terrible at posting to this. I think I forgot the password or userame or something, I don't really know. However, I'm not going to keep doing posts like I was, I'm really not creatvie enough to do it. So, I shall just use this blog as documentation of my life as it is currently occuring.
It's going to be strictly events, not so much feelings. I have a liveournal for that purpose.

Anyways, let's start with...monday.
Woke up at 1:30, which was fantastic by the way, and hung around for a bit. At around four I caught the bus down to Liz's where we did more hanging out. We caught yet another bus from her house and rode over to Old Navy. I got a really cool dress from there, it's like a very long t-shirt and is olive green in color. I also got flip flops to go with it and my very first pair of sweat pants.
Afterwards we went to Starbucks, Wild Oats, and TJMaxx. We're awesome, I know. While at TJMaxx, Justin called me looking for Brittany's number. Him and I were supposed to hang out that day, but didn't. Also, he was with Connor.

Running

The reason I'm writing this could be because I've just finished a run, and I guess it actually is. I just find it a fascinating thing. So many people do it, everyone has done it at some point in their lives at least. It's one of the most basic things in the world. And yet, it seems like a chore. I have to force myself to run. Why? Why have I not just been doing it all my life? It keeps me in good health, gives me time to think things through, and gives me endorphins. The answer is simple, I'm lazy.
I wish this was not true, but it is. Now another question materializes, is it human nature that I am lazy? Or is it human nature to enjoy running? Little kids run, oh boy do they run. All the time, and everywhere they go. So why is it that when we get older we stop? Is it because we're self-conscious of ourselves? It can't possibly be because we believe running to be bad for our health. That idea is simply idiotic.
I choose to not be another typical American. One who eats junk food and chooses not to exercise. It's ridiculous really. All Americans are searching for a diet that allows them to eat whatever they wish, do no exercise, and still lose weight at an incredible rate. It's.....I don't know but it's something very stupid and ridiculous. I've been one of those people for quite a while, but not anymore. So, everyone let's get out there. Go swimming because you enjoy the water, hike because it's beautiful, and run because it's good for all of you.

'Ello

Being the first post, I believe this should give have a bit of information about me. Let's see, I am a girl, 15 years old, living in Colorado. Yes, it is as gorgeous as people say. I'm not quit sure what this blog is going to be about. Maybe my interests, or just things that caught my attention. Or maybe to chronicle this summer. I'm sure it will prove to be interesting. Anyways, moving on. I adore music, so there should be quite a bit about that. My dream is to fall into the night sky. Quite a strange dream, but at least I have one. I love imagery, and I love to write. So, some of these may be a bit overdone. I need to work on my writing. It is very shitty at the moment. I may be better than others my age, but that simply is not enough. I have a need to be the best at things. I have the need to be different, along with the rest of the human race. I'm really going to work on not letting this be an emotionally driven blog, I have a live journal for that. So yes. It will be used to post about things I found interesting. Things like nouns. People, places, ideas, pictures, songs, that sort of thing. It will also be used to chronicle my summer. If this goes according to plan, there will be two posts a day, one about something I found to be interesting, and the other about what's happened that day as well as my thoughts. That's it, done for the moment.